When I see an anxious child, I find the battle is often with negative thoughts. “I can’t do it.” “I’m scared”. “I need my mom”. “Don’t leave me alone”. “I’m afraid”. These thoughts can very quickly consume them. It is very important to help them change their thoughts. The more bad thoughts, the more anxiety. It’s like a negative audio tape that we play over and over in our heads. We have to change the tape, but how? We must replace it with something else. Bad thoughts out, good thoughts in.
In a previous post, I referred to Beth Moore’s idea to use the spiral bound note card book to memorize scripture. We can do this for kids as well. I have a couple of ideas.
Let’s create a Good Thoughts Book using one of the spiral bound note card books. On a separate sheet of paper, start by writing down the negative phrases your child tells you, as many as you can think of. Then, change their negative phrase to the positive, “I can do it”. “I might be scared, but I can help myself relax”. “I am safe”. “I’m afraid, but I’m ok”. “My mom is just in the other room”. “My mommy and daddy love me”. ”I’m alright”. I would write the phrases down in different color marker, or have the kids help do this in the book. It’s easier for some kids to memorize things when you change the color. If you don’t have enough affirmations, search for positive affirmations online and you will come up with more than you need. I would start with about 8-10. You can add more as they memorize. They don’t have to believe it yet. Just reading these through a couple of times each night together will help commit them to memory and they will be able recall the phrases when they need them. It will also help you to have some quick responses when you see the anxiety beginning to get out of control.
THEN, tie a memory verse to it. (Practice one for a week or two until you both have it memorized.)
The negative thought. What does God say?
“It’s impossible” All things are possible with God (Luke 18:27)
”I can’t do it” You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength (Philippians 4:13)
”I’m afraid” God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control (II Timothy 1:7)
”I’m always worried” Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you(I Peter 5:7)
”I feel all alone” God said, “I will never fail you, I will never leave you” (Hebrews 13: 5)
So before you go to bed, practice calming breaths. 3-5 deep breaths while thinking, “I am relaxing my body”. Read your Good Thoughts Book along with your other bed time story. Don’t forget to say your prayers.
One more anxiety note. I always think it is helpful to remind kids to “blow it out”. I don’t use the word “breathe”. They tend to hold their breath when anxious and can’t figure out how to get a breath when they need one. When I see they are struggling I will gently say, “Blow it out… Blow it out…. think birthday cake candles…lots of birthday cake candles.” I show them what I want them to do by breathing with them at the tempo I want them to breathe. Usually they will yell, “I can’t”. Crying and yelling doesn’t help. I keep breathing and remind them “in through the nose and out through the mouth, slow calm breaths”. The calmer you can stay, the quicker they will be able to calm down.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice. Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-8 (New International Version)